Counseling means allowing people to express their feelings and to listen sympathetically, without acting a judge. Both partners should be made to talk in presence of both, and you should be a good listener. You should never take sides, thought that is very tempting thing to do.

Stage 1:

First you should make the couple identify, what is their target problem.

If there is a associated sexual problem, treat it a little later solved other marital problems first.

Let them discuss as to what changes in the other partners behavior does each expect and what will be the result of such a change.

Ask them to write down:- what aspects of each other’s behavior they like & what they dislike and bring the lists for the second session of discussion

Stage 2:

Once the problems are so defined and the changes expected, made known to each other, you should encourage them to agree to these changes and act accordingly till the next meting.

Meet them once a week, and encourage them to continue the changed approach. Many times, this is enough to resolve minor conflicts.

Stage 3:

If the couple fails to keep up the words, then help them to analyse in detail, why this has failed.

If the expectation was too demanding, suggest a lesser expectation or a different approach.

Also ask them to write down a contract,

For example:

The expectations of the wife are:

1. He should take her out for movie on Sunday
2. he should show her more affection

The expectations of the Husband are:

1. she should keep breakfast & dinner ready in time
2. she should listen to his office problems sympathetically.

Remember that:

1. More stress should be on positive change, or new changes. Consider negative changes later such as reduce nagging, reduce anger etc.
2. expectations should not be reciprocal such as “If you take me to shopping, then I will do this’ They should be independent.

At this stage, you should make specific suggestions and advise. Certain points must be stressed during counseling:

1. Trust: Trust is the base of the marriage altar. Suspicion about small matters should not be allowed to dominate. Troubled couples have higher need for trust than average. They should always inform their whereabouts, be punctual without feeling controlled or suspected.
2. Independence of working & earning wives has to be accepted by the husbands in today’s changed society. Males should not expect wives to be dependent on them.
3. Communication of affection towards each other, through words and action is very important in marriage. Just feeling affection is not enough. Encourage the couple to express their affection and to organize outings together such as a film or a special meal which both of them would like
4. if alcohol addiction is the problem, tackle it aggressively with the help of a psychiatrist.
5. if extra marital relations is a problems, extensive persuasion to end such relationship is required from you & from elders of the family. Consider change of Place or city. Otherwise, end of marital relations is inevitable.

The marital problems are innumerable. You should use your own judgment, tact’s and authority to solve individual problems.

This is undoubtedly a time-consuming process. But it brings you closer to the family and earns you as much respect as earned by saving the life of a family member.

The role of a family physician as a senior member of the Family Physician as a senior member of the family lies here, because you have the advantage of being a very close family member, and at the same time a third person, in whom the couple can confide.